My Weird And Wonderful Family
On paper, the subject of this documentary is rather ambiguous.
Gay couple Barry and Tony already have children through surrogate mothers. We're also informed that they are millionaires, they want more children, and flamboyant 'daddy' Barry attracts criticism from other parents - there’s a lot to address there. But one thing that is clear is that this is not a documentary that addresses sexuality.
Creator and director Daisy Asquith would have you believe that My Weird And Wonderful Family address the prejudices that gay parents face from heterosexual families, and the emotional roller-coaster of the surrogacy route they take, but the only real message in this documentary is that the shallow, bitter, attention seeking father, ‘daddy' Barry seems to get what he wants at a click of his fingers.
The only real insight into the issue of gay parenting and surrogacy is given in the few poignant moments spent with Tony and Barry's children. Youngest Orlando is dangerously, albeit charmingly naive, who loves his millionaire-funded childhood, even happy to declare "I'm going to be gay!" at age 6, an age where such big statements are innocent and meaningless.
For oldest brother Aspen, however, 10 years old and an incredibly bright and intelligent boy whose maturity exceeds his father's, one can see the problems starting. When being taunted about being gay by a classmate, his response is "does it matter?". But when three lots of parents complain about Barry being the fairy godmother in a school play, he moves the children to a new school. For a man who allegedly wants his children to have a normal life, running away from prejudice is hardly the best move to achieve this.
Asquith seems reluctant to show any criticism of Barry, perhaps out of fear of seeming at all against gay surrogacy. Frequent saccharine cutaways feature their children complimenting their fathers and reciting gay rights passages as if they are at a spelling bee. But the problem here is not the desires of Barry, it's his motives. 10 years ago, presenter Eamon Holmes controversially labelled the couple’s desire for children as a “search for the ultimate gay accessory”. This may seem like a harsh attack, but after 45 minutes watching Barry, we realise that it's not entirely unfair in this case. The inclusion of the word “gay” is unnecessary and insulting, but the word “accessory” is painfully accurate.
The man reveals a never-ending journal of bitterness and insecurities as the show progresses, showing open contempt for women and their ability to carry children and a shockingly shallow attitude to the physical appearance of his future surrogates, whilst using his existing children as dress-up dolls and showcases of his ‘equal rights’. His husband Tony rarely makes an appearance and seems understandably uncomfortable about the whole documentary.
For a documentary that tries to make the sour seem sweet, it ends on a decidedly bitter note. When asked whether she will have children, Barry and Tony’s calm-yet-defeated only daughter Saffron says “no, not one kid”. She barely bats an eyelid or shows any sadness about this fact. She has come to believe that children are had for the purpose of accessory and luxury; love and affection have been totally ruled out of the equation for her.
As previously said, this is not about the parents’ sexuality; this is about the parents’ attitude towards children. Barry has these beautiful children simply because he can, because it’s something to show for himself. Asquith seems happy to let Barry call the shots in her own documentary, leaving nothing moral or ethical discussed by the end, standing by and filming this man bolstering his ego more and more with each distasteful wisecrack and ignorant comment.
Airs at 9pm on Wednesday 21st July 2010 on Channel 4.
Reviewed by Joe Copplestone.
