Dead Man Running

You might think that the producing debut of Mssrs Rio Ferdinand and Ashley Cole would be a solid, dependable experience - in reality it's more like a weak backpass to the goalkeeper. Director Alex de Rakoff inadvertently hit something of a goldmine with his debut feature, The Calcium Kid, in that he managed to cast fop-du-jour Orlando Bloom in the lead role before The Lord Of The Rings did for him. His second venture is more assured, though at the same time thoroughly safe and as bland as one would expect from the hackneyed DVD artwork.

Tamer Hassan is small-time business failure Nick - a man convinced that Dubai is going to be the international ski-resort of choice and as such has invested in a small shop manned by cockney thicko Bing (the suitably typecast Danny Dyer). Nick is called upon by gangland boss Thigo (a ridiculous 50 Cent) to repay all his accrued debts (totaling a very round £100k) in 24 hours or his dear Mum (Brenda Blethyn in a "How the mighty have fallen" role) buys the farm. Cue much comedy hobbling of greyhounds and selling of badly cut cocaine to E'd up ravers in a forest in Manchester.

Dyer and Hassan formed a more formidable duo in recent Brit-flick The Business and one wishes for part of the adrenaline-fuelled energy of that film to be transferred to this. However, instead we are short-changed with bare knuckle fights that never convince and a chase scene on the way to the rave that resembles something akin to an Anthill Mob chase from Wacky Races (only not half as funny). Dan and Tan are hardly Cosby and Hope and the minor success of the film will probably see a rush to finance an ill-conceived sequel, though one would hope that the script is at least vetted by someone other a fellow Premier League footballer next time.



Released on Blu-ray and DVD on 1st March 2010 by Revolver Entertainment.

Written by Simon Cole.