Secret Diary Of A Call Girl: Series 3 Episodes 1 & 2

Back for a third series and opening with a double bill, the storylines of Secret Diary Of A Call Girl are beginning to catch up with the events that inspired them in the first place.

In the first episode, Billie Piper’s hooker/author finds herself at the launch of the book that, in real life, will ultimately lead to the creation of the television programme we’re now watching. Later, Belle and her friends are talking about a possible film adaptation within the TV series that’s a fictionalised version of the original book that was inspired by the initial online journal. That’s the sort of tangled plotting that could tie you up more expertly than a £400 call girl.

The smarts of that original blog, a genuine "Secret Diary Of A Call Girl", was Belle De Jour’s secret identity: she could speak sharply and sexily with acid drops and bon mots because she was hiding behind a mask. The challenge when adapted for a surprisingly chaste ITV drama is that you’re required to have your main character. Here, the cutseome and toothsome Billie Piper speaks direct to camera. It robs the character of more than a little of her power. The original blog was sharp and sexy with an arch superior wit. Inevitably, an ITV adaptation sanitises the sex and sacrifices the wit for somewhat broader humour.

It’s unclear who the target audience is: those bereft by the passing of Sex And The City, teenage girls in search of a slightly saucy role model, or Doctor Who fans who’d like to re-enact scenes using their Rose Tyler action figures. Secret Diary... avoids most references to job at hand - lesser characters are seen handling envelopes of money, but we’re long past the point where we see anyone paying the Piper.

But perhaps we should be a little more submissive: It all looks glossy and sexy, and Billie is an engaging hostess. There’s some cute lines (‘I’ll fake it ‘til I make it’, and, gloriously, ‘Get out of my sister’), the sight of Cheri Lunghi strapped to a dungeon wall, and some disquieting moments (a sex scene set to the soundtrack of Gene Wilder singing the soundtrack of Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory) but this would be sharper if it had enough faith in the original text, rather than manufacturing new storylines (although we’re very fond of the sequence where a man in his thirties is suspected of being Belle, reflecting the real life newspaper conviction that she was merely an invention of journalists.)

For a more intelligent and honest essaying of sex and relationships, we might refer you to the writings of Catherine Townsend (who, interestingly enough, never hid behind a mask - although she might have used a blindfold or two). Otherwise, this is a pretty and oddly inoffensive stroll through the sex industry. As the girl herself comments: ‘look... but don’t judge.’



Airs at 10pm on Thursday 28th January 2010 on ITV2.

Written by Andrew Allen.